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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Can I Get A Witness?!

So, constantly I am thinking no one will believe me when I tell them something crazy-smart and unbelievable that Charlotte did or said. It's always nice to be able to have some corroborate how awesome you think your kids are, but sometimes she's so precocious that I feel like I need actual proof of something so that people won't think I'm just blowing smoke. A couple of times recently, we've been out and about and she's shown her smarts around people we know who've been blown away by her and it's so refreshing to not be at home fumbling for the camera so that I can document it for Justin or to remember all of the wonderful times we're having with our kids. Yesterday, Martha (Julian's teacher) came over for a home visit and she was able to observe Charlotte walking around saying, among many other things, her alphabet backwards. Seriously, WTF? How does she know that? I mean, I feel like she's been hazed or something b/c that's the only time I've ever been able to say any type of alphabet backwards (in GREEK!) Maybe I should start holding a match upside down while she's saying it and then paddle her if she doesn't get it right. Ahem, I mean, I don't know anything about that...

Anyway, she also told me yesterday that a little boy, who wouldn't speak to her after she kept trying to engage him, was "bashful." I was cracking up. Bashful! She also calls me "dollface" and "chocolate eyes" and I just melt b/c I think that is so adorable. Another favorite is listening to her walk around singing the "Activia" song or "Swine Fever," from an SNL skit that Uncle Bobby taught her. She is so. much. fun. It's like hanging out with a friend and being silly, I think pretty soon I'm gonna put her up to prank calls with me. For any of my old college crew who may be reading this you might like this reference: "I got yo' pizza in da lobby!" Ah, good times.

Anyway, for every bit of spicy that Charlotte is Julian is sweet and is constantly loving on me and let me just tell you, I don't care if it's "developmentally appropriate" or not, I freaking love it. He is so sweet and gentle and such a kind soul, I'm just so thankful to have a child like him. He's so lovable and docile. And they're mine, all mine!! I'm so infinitely lucky!

Ok, gotta run to go help with sledding at Julian's school, but I promise to write a funny blog soon, and perhaps w/ slightly less bragging. Maybe. Meh, never mind that last part. I will try to make it funny though. Promise.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Whair is our Hair?

I'm thinking of writing a Dr. Suess-esque book about the phenomenon going on in our house right now regarding hair loss, hair knots/tangles, and general hair issues and catastrophes. Here's an excerpt:

Our hair is here, our hair is there,
Our hair, our hair it's everywhere.
It's in our sinks and in our beds,
It's everywhere but on our heads.

One person has black hair, one has blond,
one's is short, another's long
One is shedding like a freaking cat at the vet
One needs to wear a mother effing hair net

Ok, so maybe not really Dr. Suess-esque, but you get the point. I don't understand what the heck is going on. We have hair issues and I don't mean to be getting all Kathy Brockovich and whatnot, but I'm beginning to wonder if I should start an undercover investigation around NW Rochester and the Country Club Manor/Manorwoods areas to see if there's a secret nuclear power plant around or something. So, neighbors, if you see me taking soil samples in the middle of the night it's for my, um, garden. Yeah, that's it, my garden.

Let me start the explanation by saying that these hair issues couldn't happen to anyone more sensitive about hair than yours truly. I abhor hairs in the shower, hair on the floor, and I am pretty sure I'd rather find a bug in my restaurant food than a hair. Anywho, here's the scoop: Charlotte is a compulsive hair twister and I don't mean to sound ungrateful for advice, but please don't give me any b/c it will just make me cry to tell you that I know it won't work. Detangler laughs at us, attempts at pigtails, ponies, or braids result in me in the fetal position in the corner sucking my thumb whilst Charlotte breathes fire at me, and I am regularly having to cut out giant rats and introductory dreadlocks out of her gorgeous hair. It's terrible. I was a twister and so was my mom, but I never remember it being *this* horrendous. Needless to say, we have little rats and balls of hair everywhere.

Next, my hair is falling out like crazy. My diet is healthy, I drink tons of water, etc. etc., but ever since I had Charlotte I have this crazy-thick hair that is constantly feeling the need to replenish itself. It's wild and out of control too. I'm thinking I shouldn't let it be so long, but I like it long and I'm stubborn about that. Probably PTSD from my super-butch lesbian haircut I had when I was little that very unfortunately coincided with my brother's amateur photographer phase, thus permanently documenting my mannish haircut and providing a visual reminder of my boyish look forever. Anyway, I am very neat and clean about my hair, placing each fallen strand into a neat little pile and properly disposing of it. Justin is a total different story...

First of all, he is into this whole outdoors thing right now that both interests and terrifies me: I'm starting to wonder if he has a little cabin somewhere filled with rations, papers scribbled with frantic equations and maps to nowhere, explosives, and wife-killing plans. But, back to the hair: he has a freaking horse's mane on his head right now and I am not kidding you the other night I went to run my hand through it and if I had been doing a blinded touch-test I would've bet the farm that I was touching a horse's mane or tail. And he is shedding like CRAZY. We did our regular family camping night in the basement last Friday night and when I was carrying our stuff up the next morning I went to pick up his pillow I immediately dropped it, jumped a foot and screamed b/c I thought a freaking beaver had climbed in the window and died on it. I mean, seriously, it was a Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Pillow. It was covered in hair, like really covered. Like he had bought a faux-fur pillowcase and didn't tell me. It was so awful, I am still traumatized from it. And the thing about all of these hairy experiences is that we all have drastically different hair colors and lengths so it's all easily identifiable, I can always blame someone, usually Justin.

So, I'm thinking of a way to turn this positive and capitalize on it. A great idea came to mind when I was vacuuming the other day (thank goodness we have the purple Dyson) and I decided I will propose to have that British dude create the Dyson Voss. It will be the most powerful one yet and we can be on the commercial and everything. We can say "the only thing that sucks more than the Dyson Voss is having hair everywhere." I am full of ideas for the DV! And, if you call in the next 15 minutes we'll also throw in the Yeti HandVac, for the bigfoot-like husband who leaves big, hairy footprints through the house...or just sheds a lot in the shower.

Monday, February 15, 2010

OMG, why can't I keep on track with this blogging? After a couple of false starts, I feel like the loser boyfriend who says "I messed up baby, but it's for real this time." The holiday rush had me so crazed that there was no potential for blogging (or breathing, really) whatsoever. Justin & I decided that next year I will have to get help for my biz since it was so crazy. My brother was visiting for about a week during this time and he commented that I was "like a one woman sweatshop," and how right he was! So for now I'm going to try to stick to a couple of short posts per week and see if I can do better with that.

Anyway, it is becoming very apparent that Charlotte is my little clone and it's scaring the crap out of me. Her personality is so strong and she has a very distinct sense of humor that amazes me for a 2 year old. She does voices and imitations and she loves getting laughs (hmmmmm, sound familiar??) I love her personality at 2, but I also distinctly remember my own personality at, say, 12, 13, 14, or so and I cringe, especially because we are so much alike. The mother/daughter dynamic is usually difficult and fragile at various points anyway, but I'm sure if that mother and daughter have very similar, strong personalities it's even worse. Ugh. For now I'm just basking in her telling me jokes, such as this one, which is the same every time:

Charlotte: Knock-Knock joke (yes, she always says "joke" after "knock-knock")
Me: Who's there?
Charlotte: Daddy
Me: Daddy who?
Charlotte: Daddy Leanne* Ha Ha (yes, she always says "ha ha" after "Daddy Leanne*" and not as in she laughs, but she says "ha ha.")

*Leanne is Julian's school speech therapist and I have no idea how she made it into our family's knock-knock jokes, but she did.

She thinks she's pretty funny, and I have to agree, she really is. I took her and Julian into Justin's work today for a visit and Kris (the office manager at Justin's office) was totally amazed by Charlotte. Not to sound like too much of a bragging mom, but she actually frightens sometimes me with all that she knows. As she was labeling shapes from pictures and impressing us with "cube, pyramid, and cylinder" which are her latest shape acquisitions, we asked her to say the letters that were on a box on the floor. She walked over to it and instead of telling us all of the letters like she usually does (I'm proud to say she knows all of her letters, even goes around saying the alphabet backwards sometimes!) she turned around and grinned and said "dot com!" I looked at the box and sure enough, the company's web address was there. How. Does. She. Know. That???????? And don't worry, I was brought down off of my genius-child-having high horse very swiftly by my brother, who, after discussing with my Mom how watching Charlotte is like getting in a time machine and watching me when I was her age, he provided this sweet revelation: "well, see, just b/c she's a genius now doesn't really mean anything. I mean, you seriously were too and it's not like you did anything really great with your life." He's so cut out of my lottery winnings.